"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
