Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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