Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
