I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
