1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
