If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
is that a dick in a sweater?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
