The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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