why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
