Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
