Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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