So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
