I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
