Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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