Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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