is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
