what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
