Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
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