Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Randomize
