Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
