I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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