He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Randomize
