HIV tests are more positive than that guy
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
