I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
