my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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