I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
