If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
