I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
