ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
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