I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
