apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
