Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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