dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
