3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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