Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Randomize
