All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
