I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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