I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
