We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
