Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I got her a Nickelback box set.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
