Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
