Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
