My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Randomize
