dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
