I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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