at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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