We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
