Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
