that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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