Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
