My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
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