oh god the rape fog is back!
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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