it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
